Redneck Essentials

38 Things For A Redneck To Remember (in rhyming pairs)

1. A virgin don't never drive a Z28
   
2. Never bet the ranch on your prostate
   
   
3. If's it's got an Adam's Apple it's probably a man
   
4. Never trust a gay gypsy with the palm of your hand
   
   
5. She didn't accidently get good in bed
   
6. You can't join the church if you're already dead
   
   
7. A work uniform ain't totally nude
   
8. Brim and Vice ain't seafood
   
   
9. When there's guns in the house one better be yours
   
10. Don't be naked next to any fishing lures
    
    
11. If there's Girl Scout cookies she's a little too young
    
12. If you say "I do" be the ugly one
    
    
13. Don't ever let a bald man borrow your comb
    
14. Never play strip poker in a nursing home
    
    
15. Don't blame your pall bearers 'cause they don't show,
    if you're buried in the middle of a Super Bowl
    
    
16. Let people borrow money, they'll leave you alone
    
17. Never fry bacon without a shirt on
    
    
18. Never spray water on a hornet's nest
    
19. A woman rarely aces the driver's test
    
    
20. The sign probably don't really mean "massage"
    
21. Never threaten anybody in camouflage
    
    
22. Say you love her 'til she lays down the butcher knife
    
23. Never put the move on the Boss's wife
    
    
24. She messing 'round on ya if your briefs don't fit
    
25. Never trust a hitchhiker to babysit
    
    
26. Cosmo's never in a happy home
    
27. You can't cut a deal with a kidney stone
    
    
28. A politician ain't got an HMO
    
29. Washin' her hair means she don't wanna go
    
    
30. Don't ridicule a Biker 'bout his tattoo
    
31. If you been married nine times, hell maybe it's you
    
    
32. Doom ain't the same as Donkey Kong
    
33. If he's wearing high heels you might've raised him wrong
    
    
34. The clinic ain't the best place to pick up dates
    
35. Don't rent a room from a man named Bates
    
    
36. A tank top's never on a Billionaire
    
37. Stevie Ray Vaughn missed a note here and there
    
    
38. How many get to Heaven no one knows,
    but Hell'll be asses and elbows