The Ramblings of Hideous Bump

THE OLD DENTED BUCKET

2011-05-09T09:53:00.000-07:00

What a great story. Hope you enjoy it.

THE OLD DENTED BUCKET

Our house was directly across the street from the clinic entrance of Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore . We lived downstairs and rented the upstairs rooms to out-patients at the clinic.
One summer evening as I was fixing supper, there was a knock at the door. I opened it to see a truly awful looking man. "Why, he's hardly taller than my 8-year-old," I thought as I stared at the stooped, shriveled body. But the appalling thing was his face, lopsided from swelling, red and raw.
Yet his voice was pleasant as he said, "Good evening. I've come to see if you've a room for just one night. I came for a treatment this morning from the eastern shore, and there's no bus 'til morning."
He told me he'd been hunting for a room since noon but with no success, no one seemed to have a room. "I guess it's my face .... I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says with a few more treatments .."
For a moment I hesitated, but his next words convinced me: "I could sleep in this rocking chair on the porch. My bus leaves early in the morning."
I told him we would find him a bed, but to rest on the porch.. I went inside and finished getting supper. When we were ready, I asked the old man if he would join us. "No, thank you. I have plenty." And he held up a brown paper bag.
When I had finished the dishes, I went out on the porch to talk with him a few minutes. It didn't take a long time to see that this old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body. He told me he fished for a living to support his daughter, her 5 children, and her husband, who was hopelessly crippled from a back injury.
He didn't tell it by way of complaint; in fact, every other sentence was preface with a thanks to God for a blessing. He was grateful that no pain accompanied his disease, which was apparently a form of skin cancer. He thanked God for giving him the strength to keep going...
At bedtime, we put a camp cot in the children's room for him. When I got up in the morning, the bed linens were neatly folded and the little man was out on the porch.
He refused breakfast, but just before he left for his bus, haltingly, as if asking a great favor, he said, "Could I please come back and stay the next time I have a treatment? I won't put you out a bit. I can sleep fine in a chair." He paused a moment and then added, "Your children made me feel at home. Grownups are bothered by my face, but children don't seem to mind."
I told him he was welcome to come again.
And, on his next trip, he arrived a little after 7 in the morning. As a gift, he brought a big fish and a quart of the largest oysters I had ever seen! He said he had shucked them that morning before he left so that they'd be nice and fresh. I knew his bus left at 4:00 a.m. And I wondered what time he had to get up in order to do this for us.
In the years he came to stay overnight with us, there was never a time that he did not bring us fish or oysters or vegetables from his garden.
Other times we received packages in the mail, always by special delivery; fish and oysters packed in a box of fresh young spinach or kale, every leaf carefully washed. Knowing that he must walk 3 miles to mail these, and knowing how little money he had made the gifts doubly precious.
When I received these little remembrances, I often thought of a comment our next-door neighbor made after he left that first morning.
"Did you keep that awful looking man last night? I turned him away! You can lose roomers by putting up such people!"
Maybe we did lose roomers once or twice. But, oh!, if only they could have known him, perhaps their illnesses would have been easier to bear.
I know our family always will be grateful to have known him; from him we learned what it was to accept the bad without complaint and the good with gratitude to God.
Recently I was visiting a friend, who has a greenhouse, as she showed me her flowers, we came to the most beautiful one of all, a golden chrysanthemum, bursting with blooms. But to my great surprise, it was growing in an old dented, rusty bucket. I thought to myself, "If this were my plant, I'd put it in the loveliest container I had!"
My friend changed my mind. "I ran short of pots," she explained, "and knowing how beautiful this one would be, I thought it wouldn't mind starting out in this old pail. It's just for a little while, till I can put it out in the garden."
She must have wondered why I laughed so delightedly, but I was imagining just such a scene in heaven.
"Here's an especially beautiful one," God might have said when he came to the soul of the sweet old fisherman. "He won't mind starting in this small body."
All this happened long ago - and now, in God's garden, how tall this lovely soul must stand.
The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7b)

Little Black Ants

2009-08-17T08:12:00.000-07:00

I have this prickly pear cactus out in the yard that is being taken over by a black ant colony. When I go out there around sunrise the ants are scurrying around like madmen excavating the soil at the base of the cactus, climbing the wire mesh (who knows why?) that surrounds the plant for protection from hungry rabbits, and carrying things to and fro. In another part of the yard the ants can sometimes be found in one big writhing black mass devouring little field mice that somehow end up in their clutchs. I haven't figured out how the mice are meeting their demise yet but I'm very curious. Pick up one of these dead mice and before you can get it to the trash bin the ants have scurried up the stick and those little bastards have a bite on them that will get your attention! I've observed that when watering the cactus the water disappears quickly due to it's coarsing down the tunnels at the base of the plant. Flooding of the colony each and every day do the ants move on to a more suitable location... hell no, they just haul their dead comrades outta the flooded tunnels and put them in piles topside. There are a lot of ants in Apache Junction.

2009-04-02T19:05:00.000-07:00

Cyrus was having a little stand off with this snake
before I walked up and got the snake all nervous!

Bailey the Cat

2008-11-23T06:25:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago my li'l pal Bailey's life was cut short by a car when she darted into the street, she was 7 months old. She was adventurous, fearless, and endlessly entertaining. She chased thrown rocks and followed me everywhere I walked. In five short months she planted herself deep in my heart. I'll always remember her. Go with God li'l Bailey, go towards the light.

The Mighty French War Machine

2008-09-01T09:17:00.000-07:00

Here's a copy of an email I received today, it was titled "The Mighty French War Machine":

Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. The Army.

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." —General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." —Norman Schwartzkopf

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." —John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." —Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." —Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right." —Rush Limbaugh

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." —Regis Philbin

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." —P.J O'Rourke (1989)

"They've taken their own precautions against Al Qaeda. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." —Argus Hamilton

"The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq." —Dennis Miller

"I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac." —Dennis Miller

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He IS French, people." —Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!" —Jay Leno

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof,' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." —David Letterman

An old saying: Raise your right hand if you like the French... Raise both hands if you are French.

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.

Q. Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?
A: So the French can show them how to surrender.

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
A: Nobody knows, it's never been tried.

Q. Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A. Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q. Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees?
A. So the Germans could march in the shade.

Q: How many gears does a French tank have?
A: 4 reverse and 1 forward, in case the enemy attacks from the rear.

Q: How can you identify a French Infantryman?
A: Sunburned armpits.

Q: Anyone see the French Military Rifle on eBay?
A: It's never been shot and only dropped once!

Fourth of July

2008-07-05T08:10:00.000-07:00

Started yesterday morning cooking pancakes at the church 4th of July picnic. They had a barbershop quartet singing the National Anthem and then a speaker who told the story of how Francis Scott Key came to pen the Star Spangled Banner during the War of 1812. Then it was time for a scrumptious breakfast of scambled eggs, sausage and pancakes. The morning was topped off with a squirt gun fight and a kid's parade in the parking lot. It was fun!

Finished off the day with steaks and salad, then watch the amazing $70k fireworks display put on by the City of Apache Junction, AZ.

Springtime Weather

2008-02-27T15:42:00.000-08:00

It's a beautiful day here in Show Low, Arizona today. God's smiling down on us.

A Meadow Green

2008-02-21T09:55:00.000-08:00

A Meadow Green

A meadow green, soul soothing, blades likes waving reeds,

Arrest your vision, a magnetic pull, a siren beckoning,

I step, now striding, with haste, an urgency swelling.

I stake my spot, recline and drift away, my spirit soaring!

(P.S. It snowed again last night.)

Mr. Bill the Snowman

2007-12-22T18:22:00.000-08:00

Mr. Bill of Saturday Night Live fame has been immortalized in snow!

Ridiculously Cold

2007-12-15T15:32:00.001-08:00

The past three days and nights here in the White Mountains of Arizona (think Fort Apache) has been down in the teens at night. I mean cold, really, really cold for this area.

Snow Cardinal

2007-12-09T14:48:00.000-08:00

The first snow of winter fell yesterday here in Show Low, Arizona. It's always great to wander out in that first snowfall, even though this year I'm hampered by a bad cold.

Delta Rocket

2007-12-03T13:22:00.000-08:00

The Target Dog is back!

2007-11-07T05:29:00.000-08:00

(aka Hideous Bump)
I've been away awhile but having finally remembered my password I have regained access to my weblog. Nothing much to pass along this time so I'll just bid adieu. -HB

Skinny Dipping

2005-01-16T05:19:00.000-08:00

An old farmer in Kansas had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond as he hadn't been there for a while and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral: Old age and cunning will triumph over youth and enthusiasm every time.

Wet and Snowy

2005-01-03T05:20:00.000-08:00

Well it's a little on the wet side outside. Can hear the steady beat of rain on the roof of my travel trailer. Here's the forcast:

Tonight: Rain and snow this evening, becoming all snow overnight. Snow may be heavy at times. Thunder possible. Low 32F. Winds S at 10 to 15 mph. Chance of precip 80%. 4 to 6 inches of snow expected.

Tomorrow: Windy. Snow during the morning will mix with rain at times during the afternoon. Thunder possible. High 41F. Winds SSW at 15 to 25 mph. Chance of precip 80%. 4 to 7 inches of snow expected.

I'll believe it when I see it! They're always forecasting stuff like this, only for it to end up dry as a bone.

Redneck Essentials

2005-01-02T04:00:00.000-08:00

38 Things For A Redneck To Remember (in rhyming pairs)

A virgin don't never drive a Z28
Never bet the ranch on your prostate
If's it's got an Adam's Apple it's probably a man
Never trust a gay gypsy with the palm of your hand
She didn't accidently get good in bed
You can't join the church if you're already dead
A work uniform ain't totally nude
Brim and Vice ain't seafood
When there's guns in the house one better be yours
Don't be naked next to any fishing lures
If there's Girl Scout cookies she's a little too young
If you say "I do" be the ugly one
Don't ever let a bald man borrow your comb
Never play strip poker in a nursing home
Don't blame your pall bearers 'cause they don't show,
if you're buried in the middle of a Super Bowl
Let people borrow money, they'll leave you alone
Never fry bacon without a shirt on
Never spray water on a hornet's nest
A woman rarely aces the driver's test
The sign probably don't really mean "massage"
Never threaten anybody in camouflage
Say you love her 'til she lays down the butcher knife
Never put the move on the Boss's wife
She messing 'round on ya if your briefs don't fit
Never trust a hitchhiker to babysit
Cosmo's never in a happy home
You can't cut a deal with a kidney stone
A politician ain't got an HMO
Washin' her hair means she don't wanna go
Don't ridicule a Biker 'bout his tattoo
If you been married nine times, hell maybe it's you
Doom ain't the same as Donkey Kong
If he's wearing high heels you might've raised him wrong
The clinic ain't the best place to pick up dates
Don't rent a room from a man named Bates
A tank top's never on a Billionaire
Stevie Ray Vaughn missed a note here and there
How many get to Heaven no one knows,
but Hell'll be asses and elbows